Life has been an exhilarating rollercoaster ride for me in recent years, filled with emotional peaks and valleys. Grief and my beliefs have been powerful forces shaping my world either imprisoning or liberating me. This wild ride, with its intense processes of my feelings and the conscious cultivation of specific emotions to attain what I wanted, led me to a connection of sensations that feels like fierce love/ forbidden desire which has been particularly profound.

Through storytelling and poetry, I’ve given voice to my emotions transforming them into tangible expressions that explore the complexities of the human experience. This internal dance between the tangible and intangible has blurred the lines between the known and the unknown, dissolving the boundaries between what I know and what lies beyond.

As the years passed by, I reflected on the setbacks, breaking points, and emotional turmoil that compelled me to confront my inner demons, unveiling the intricacies of my emotions and their unusual depths.

Taking you through the depth of “Loss, Love, and the Journey Within” with Piece of Me. Due to its length, I'll be unfolding this story into digestible parts. I appreciate your patience.

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The Journey Through Loss

Grief and Agony:

They say one of the hardest things we will ever have to do is grieve for a person who is still alive. Well, I had to grieve for both.

Heartbreaks are one thing; we can always heal from them, no matter how long it takes. However, experiencing the deep despair of losing someone with whom we shared our blood, an integral part of our life is different. We can never truly recover from it, no matter how hard we try, no matter how long it takes.

I experience this reality in every waking moment. It’s the most profound pain I have ever known and the hardest thing in the world I’ve had to deal with. It is a suffering of the worst kind: a pain that I physically felt all over my body but was emotionally disconnected as if a train had run over me leaving me alive with a wrecked body.

The initial days of grieving were a blur. Emotions were muted and there was no movement, no feeling—just a void.

In the first few weeks or months, everyone joins in to grieve with us, checking in often and helping with all those little things we can’t bring ourselves to think about. However, a couple of months later, the crowd naturally thins out. People seem to go back to their normal lives and expect that we will do the same.

That’s when I got my first real taste of grief—the crushing loneliness of it.

Then the real, true suffering began. The agony of loss struck me again like a heavy burning wind. It made my chest ache, and my lungs constrict.

The grief I felt was deep. It was hard to keep going. I felt like the weight of something inexplicable solely rested on my shoulders and if I’m resting all day, no amount of rest seems to make it go away. It’s like I’m running on fumes and there’s nothing left in the tank.

Even though there was a support system, they couldn’t minimize or take my pain away. In fact, nobody can take anyone’s pain away. All they could do was support us while we learn to walk through it.

And so, every milestone, be it a birthday, a holiday, or a cherished occasion felt like a fresh wound reopening each year. Surviving the first of those events was only the beginning. I had to keep doing it, even though each one felt like a fresh start at the bottom of a mountain. Somehow, I had to keep climbing.

To be continued……!